I admit it, I care.
I care what others think of me. I care what my husband thinks of me, what my children think of me, what my parents and siblings think of me. I care what my in-laws think of me, what friends think and what strangers think. My heart tells me it doesn’t matter what others think. I know I’m doing my best. But sometimes I get stuck in my own mind games, and worry about what others think. I even have conversations in my head with those who may confront me with my made-up flaws. I have great come backs for anyone who has anything to say. And in the end, my head games have me so worked up that I’m ready to fight. Anyone. That happened today.
Today was Sweet Pea’s 2nd birthday and we decided to have her party at our house with just nearby family. This included Hubby’s parents (of course, they live with us), my parents, my older brother and his girlfriend, and my aunt. Just close family, right? There shouldn’t be any stress or anything to worry about, right? Wrong. Since most celebrations are at my parents house, this was a big deal to have it here. My house isn’t as nice. It isn’t as clean. Cleaning with small children doesn’t last too long. I began to see my house with outsiders eyes and all the dust bunnies started to rear their ugly heads. Cobwebs I hadn’t seen were now making their appearance, and I noticed my baseboards could use some scrubbing. The clutter I had become accustomed to was now showing itself. Now, my family has definitely seen my house in worse condition. You know, the days when the laundry is piled up, the kids have spilled something on the floor right as the dog walked through, dropping fur to make it stick while spreading around the house with his paws. But for some reason today was different. Perhaps because it was a birthday party that I was “hosting.”
To add to what was going on in my head, I wanted Sweet Pea’s party to be perfect. Perfect cupcakes. Perfect decorations. Perfect snacks. So I enlisted the help of my husband. He is a great chef, baker, and veggie-cutter-upper. Except he didn’t get my memo about “perfection.” So when I walked into the kitchen to check out our cupcakes, I saw the icing was running all down the sides! OH. MY. GOODNESS! Didn’t he know that was not perfect? I lost it. I became unglued! I began to nag, but when that didn’t bother him, I began to yell. But since Hubby is fairly laid back, that didn’t work either. So I yelled more and louder and said meaner things until he understood that this did not fit in with my “Day of Perfection.” To make matters worse, Monkey and Sweet Pea were refusing to sleep during nap time. This was my time to decorate and get everything ready for her big day. Did I mention she played in her poop…AGAIN?! Didn’t they know this did not work with my “Day of Perfection?”
I’m not really sure what I was trying to accomplish, but I accomplished something. After taking all of my frustrations out on Hubby and letting my mind games get the best of me, we were no longer on speaking terms, and my family would be here soon. Some Perfect Day this was.
The only thing I knew to do at this point was to pray. So I did. And in the end, Jesus showed me how foolish I was. This is only Sweet Pea’s 2nd birthday; there will be many more. It’s only cupcakes (which turned out delicious). The only One I should care about is Jesus. And guess what? He loves me unconditionally, despite my flaws (Romans 5:8/John 3:16-17). He knows all of my strengths and weaknesses. He knows my skills and my imperfections. And He loves me anyways. When I am weak, He is strong (2 Corinthians 12:10). So next time, instead of allowing Satan to creep into my head, I will take my thoughts captive, and not let them take root, growing into a wild weed out of control (2 Corinthians 10:4-6). Instead of dwelling on the negative thoughts that may not even be true, I will think on what is true (Phillipians 4:8). I have an AMAZING husband who does so much for me. I have AWESOME kiddos whom God entrusted me with. I have a WONDERFUL family who loves me. That is what is true. In the end, it was a Day of Perfection.
*If you do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, it is so easy. Click here to learn more, or message me! I promise you it will be the best decision you’ll ever make!